


Kass Can Punch Me in the Face and I'd Thank Her

by NieRville



Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: Campside Sex, F/F, F/M, Masturbating, Stupidity, This Is For You Zara, some violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 21:09:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18836833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NieRville/pseuds/NieRville
Summary: Two bandits have a morbid fantasy about Kassandra. Could be about Alexios, too, but this is inspired by an IG post by hose0kkTurn your brain activity to zero, this is gonna be stupid.





	Kass Can Punch Me in the Face and I'd Thank Her

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hose0kk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hose0kk/gifts).



An open fire lit the night, and two bandits sat under the open sky. The rest of the group had already went to bed. The wine red sea was surprisingly still on this night and even the nocturnal creatures seemed to have been somewhere else, for the atmosphere around the campfire seemed unusually silent and solemn. Only the cracking of the fire mingled with the murmur of the two people whose livelihood was poison to both the Spartans and the Athenians.

"Nights like this...", said Xanthippe, not the same person as the wife of an Athenian they called the Gadfly.

"They were merely beautiful, before, yes?" Timaios, not the same person as the pupil of the Gadfly would one day write about.

"You read my mind. Yes, now there is more."

"So they say."

"Have you..." Xanthippe ventured towards a topic she'd been avoiding for weeks. "Have you heard of the Eagle-Bearer?" She swallowed.

Timaios had already guessed it. He smiled his crooked smile, and his scarred eye looked from the fire to Xanthippe.

"Malakas, of course I have!"

"They say she prowls on nights like this," Xanthippe said, voice tinged with a slight tremolo.

"The circumstances surely are... No, wait. Isn't it a bit too tranquil for a killer? Too silent?" Timaios had always had a strangely eloquent way of talking for a man in this business, raising suspicions in Xanthippe regarding his origins.

"They say that's when you should expect her the most... That she is so silent and deadly that when you expect her least, that's when she will arrive."

"Malakas... This misthios is nothing like the ones my mother used to talk about." Timaios stared into the fire. But his stare wasn't entirely sullen, and his voice held something else than just fear.

"No, she isn't. But can I... I have a confession to make. Now that it's just me and you."

"Let me guess, Xanthippe. You're aroused and excited?"

Her brown eyes expanded, perfect circles that took in everything from in front of her and revealed everything about herself. "By Apollo! How did you know?"

"Quite frankly, my dear, everyone lusts after her."

"Do they?"

"Yes. They say her beauty rivals that of Aphrodite, and her deadliness as a hunter that of Artemis herself."

"I'm not the only one, then. I used to think I was a freak."

"Oh no. I have seen more bandits than there are grapes in that vineyard over there, and they all lust for the same thing. They want her to kill them."

Xanthippe nodded towards their companions sleeping. They had tossed coins over who stays up to keep watch. The sleepers had seemed disappointed.

"I have never been with a girl..." Xanthippe said, "But I'm so wet just thinking about her right now."

"By Athena, I'm all hard, thinking that maybe one of our fellows is already dead."

"It would be such good foreplay... To feel fear..."

"...and the tension... to have the slightest suspicions of her ruthless efficiency..."

"...and almost fanatical devotion to her family..." Xanthippe hadn't expected that to come out of her mouth, but it just did.

"Just imagine, right now she could be slitting Theokles's throat."

Xanthippe was eager to be touched already.

"I wonder if she straddles her victims," she said, "or does she not even touch them when she does it? Does she wake up the victims, and look them in the eye... or don't they ever know what hit them?"

"Oh, to wake up with a goddess sitting on your lap, and to stare into those eyes... To catch a sight of her well-toned olive skin, and get your final hard-on right before she stabs a dagger into your throat."

"That would be ecstasy... I'd arrive by the Styx, and look Kharon in the eye."

"He'd probably have never seen such a happy girl!" Timaios laughed, his raucuous voice like an explosion in the night.

Xanthippe stopped, and looked her companion straight in the eye, and said, "I'm... really getting excited right now, Timaios." He returned the gaze, and their passionate souls intertwined.

"Let's fuck!"

She threw herself on him and he fell to the soft ground. Xanthippe straddled him and true enough, his cock was already hard under the loincloth. He grabbed her face and they kissed, and by common fumbling they managed to wrap her wet, wet pussy around his aching cock.

A dagger's throw away, Kassandra had not heard anything of their details. She had just slit the throats of the three sleeping guards, and now prepared her bow. Less than a love-making heart's beat later, the arrow had entered Xanthippe's eye and pierced her brain; the victim had just barely, by some divinely inspired instict, managed to look up and see the deep brown of Kassandra's eyes. In the throes of her last orgasm, she died.

Timaios gasped, and felt the last contraction of a dying woman's pussy around his cock, and he came. Feeling his cum shoot out, he looked in the direction of where the arrow had come from; and like a leaping lion, the deadly misthios swung her sword and sliced his head in half.

***

Somewhere deep below earth, a mighty river was flowing. Xanthippe and Timaios opened their eyes, her a moment earlier than him. They were still both smiling, buck naked, and still wet and hard, respectively.

Neither could stop touching themselves. Their glorious, ecstatic final moments were still fresh in their memories. Xanthippe was fingering herself with a burning passion, so wet that Poseidon was considering extending his realm to between her legs, and Timaios was jerking off so much that Hefaistos himself could have used the heat from the friction to hammer a weapon worthy of Ares.

Kharon walked up to them and stared at them with his empty eyes. His voice was dry and crackled.

"So... Kassandra got you too?"

Xanthippe and Timaios were flabbergasted, but still couldn't stop masturbating.

"Yes, yes... three out of every four deceased these days come here... cumming. You're just like everyone else. Follow me."

Kharon turned and stepped onto his raft. There were a bunch of bandits and soldiers and city leaders there, all masturbating and fucking like philosophers.

"Hades is waiting. He wants to know everything about Kassandra, too."


End file.
